Thursday, February 19, 2009

Useless Super Powers = I <3 Keanu Reeves!

Several years ago when I was teaching High School English in Berkeley Springs, WV, I asked my students, "What's your hidden super power? You know, the one talent that you have that is silly, creative, absurd, helpful, whatever it might be. How did you find out that you possessed such an amazing super power?"

Needless to say, the essays and discussions that came from those two questions were fantastic, some scary, but nonetheless, fantastic. People can do some weird shit! AND they found out that they can do this weird shit in some really bizarre ways!

I started thinking about this former assignment that I had given out so many years ago the other day when The BoyFriend made an unrelated (unrelated because he didn't know about the former assignment) comment about my USELESS super power. He informed me that I had a USELESS super power and the uncanny ability to find a Keanu Reeve's movie on television on any particular time on any particular day.

After I first recovered from his ability to speak in bold, big letters such as he did when he spat the word USELESS, I laughed hysterically's true! I can do it. I do it all the time, but it is always by accident. Nine times out of ten I can turn on the TV, do a quick search through the channel guide, and find a Keanu Reeves movie. It's amazing.

The humorous part is this...I am slightly obsessed with his looks. I think he is the hottest man to walk the planet. I have thought this since the early days of Parenthood and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (which was the movie that I found on TV this past Saturday). I have naughty dreams about him all of the time, but I'm not a fanatic of his acting ability or inability. I don't rave over his movies so much because in all honesty, I get lost at looking at him and don't always pay attention to the plot line. Hence the reason that I might actually possess this USELESS ability to find a movie of his at any given time. I NEED to watch his flicks multiple times! In short, I don't think he is as stupid as does everyone else, but I am incredibly intrigued by the mystery of Mr. Reeves and his hotness!

Molly Ringwald possessed the super power of applying the lipstick to her lips with the help of her ta tas. Spiderman grew webs out of his wrist. Super Man could change clothes in a telephone booth, not to mention fly. My friend, D, can predict consecutive songs on the radio. K, in Berkeley Springs, can speak bubble talk. (It literally sounds like she is not only in the bubble, but also IS the bubble.) My other friend, KG, can most likely smell bacon within a 10 mile radius AND inform us based on smell and taste of what region the swine was raised. (I say most likely because this theory hasn't been tested, but if it were, I KNOW he could do it!) We all possess USELESS super powers! Now...I want to know yours!


redneck muppet said...

It's hard to tell where the pig was raised when the bacon's already cooked.

spinster girl said...

I have a similar super power. Unfortunately it involves the Lifetime classic, A Woman Scored: The Betty Broderick Story.