Friday, May 29, 2009

The Blog-aratzi Is Likin' What You're Working With!

I was perusing my blog roll this morning when I came across my name on The EDG's blog site, Esse Diem. I was shocked and honored to be listed as a recipient of The Bella Award: One Lovely Blog. I thank The EDG very much for finding my blog to be entertaining and award worthy.

Now it is my privilege to announce the next recipients of The Bella!

Work that red carpet because you've been working it in the blog-o-sphere and someone is taking notice.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Bella Awards. Today we would like to honor....

1. Greg Bolt, a youth minister, writes The Oregon Mountaineer. This former West Virginia resident has been transplanted into the world of Oregon where he is currently working on growing solid roots with his wife, his church community, the youth of Bend, Oregon, and praying that the WVU Mountaineers can do it this year! The Oregon Mountaineer's blog covers the vast spectrum of thought and questioning to laughter and love and all of those quirky moments in between.

2. Tina, the voice behind Scrabble Crush, is a mother of many, wife, daughter, sister, student, teacher, cook, artist, soon to be licenced counselor, listener, and self proclaimed Scrabble addict. In between doing all of these numerous activities she blogs. Her blog consists of heartwarming moments with her family and friends, pee your pants in laughter adventures, political and environmental advocacy and awareness education posts, oh yeah, and SCRABBLE!

3. The folks over at Fork You, a Charleston, WV foodie and restaurant critique blog, have provided more entertainment and opportunity for Jerry Springer-esque comments from their readers than even Body Guard Steve could hold back! There are times that the comment section of their posts take on a life of their own outside of the original post. Some may love the Fork You Kids, some may hate them, but one thing is for sure...people are reading them!

4. Bethie is never REALLY out of her element, but she loves calling the world out when they are. Every Wednesday, you must check in and check out her WTF Wednesday posts. She's always right on. Then again, why wouldn't she be, playa?!

5. The Redneck Muppet will definitely Geek Your Kitchen, and by Geek, I mean make something fun and exciting in it. Kitchen Geeking provides step by step recipes, photo blogging of food and food preparation, video of people eating what was just made in the Geek's kitchen, provide commentary on anything and all things food related. Oh and Bacon is his middle name.

6. A former student from many moons ago has created the disgustingly hilarious and at times raunchy blog I HATE SO MUCH. Her verbal skills and the ability to paint a picture, despite the topic matter, leave very little to the imagination. If you want to remember what your twenties were like, check her out. If you need a quick laugh, check her out. One thing is for sure, no one or thing is safe!

To all of those receiving The Bella, congratulations. Now pass on this award to other worthy bloggers. To all of those reading, if you haven't already, go and check out these bloggers. They are something else.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Question of The Day

I recently watched the Will Smith flick "Seven Pound." It is beautifully heart wrenching to say the least. It has left me with a question. I hope you take the time to reflect and reveal.

What is the most selfless act that you have heard of someone performing?

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thought of the Day

If I am to ever get into a serious relationship ever again, the man must have once been married and currently divorced. This will prove that they do indeed possess the ability to commit and some other poor woman had the job of breaking him in. I'm sick and tired of doing all the hard work.

Friday, May 15, 2009

"If You're Not Scared, You're Not Paying Attention"

"If you're not scared, you're not paying attention."

I liked this. It really stuck with me after hearing Dr. Bailey say it on Grey's Anatomy last night. I need to think about it and comment soon.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

What I Know For Sure

Life has been a bit tricky lately. I wasn't necessarily thrown a curve ball lately, but I will admit, I wasn't completely ready for the pitch. With that said, when times get hectic it's easy to obsess on moments, facts, ideas that one has zero control over, times that we can't recreate, moments that are in the past for a reason. A person has to concentrate on what they know to be truth, what they can control, and to rely on the present in hopes of a better tomorrow. I have been asking myself over the last few days, "What do I know for sure? What is a constant? What can I count on to not change right now?" Here's the start of my list.

1. When involved in a relationship, be sure to keep one another high on the priority list. If you don't, you shouldn't be together. Always, always make yourself a priority.

2. Friends and The Family You Get To Pick will have your back especially when others are trying to stab you in it.

3. Honesty is the best policy even if it is painful to say or hear.

4. I love Casa Garcia's. A margarita, chips, and salsa will make any day just a little bit brighter.

5. A Yuengling and a Sam's Cheeseburger won't create world peace, but they sure do create inner peace.

6. Break ups are devastating. Break ups with the invention of technology and social media sucks!

7. 6 year olds really do say the darnedest things and often they are quite insightful.

8. The Whack Job Customer is always right.

9. In order to ever see a rainbow, you have to weather the storm.

10. Oprah was right. "What you give comes back to you." This applies to both the good and the bad. Karma.

11. Women are given a 6th sense at birth for a reason. Don't ignore it; listen to it.
12. They call it the end for a reason...because it's over. However, with every ending starts a new beginning and that's exciting. Morrie Schwartz said it best. "Don't let go too soon but, but don't hang on too long."

13. "All God's critters have a place in the choir. Some sing low. Some sing higher. Some sing outside on the telephone wire. And some just clap their hands, or paws, or fins, or claws, or anything they got now." It takes all kinds to make this world go 'round.

14. Diet Coke is indeed much better than Diet Pepsi.

15. REV RUN says, "You can't change what you won't confront." Amen.

16. The perfectly cooked steak should never been insulted with the addition of steak sauce.

17. Someone always has it worse than you. I was recently watching "Inside The Actor's Studio". Michael J. Fox was on. He was talking about having Parkinson's Disease and why he has an optimistic attitude. He relayed a story that someone in his life had told him in the early days of being diagnosed. This is paraphrased.

A group of individuals are sitting around in a circle, and Jesus or some other spiritual leader asked everyone to one at a time, tell the group their problem and then throw it into the middle of the circle. Everyone told their story and tossed their problem into the middle. At the end, the leader told them, "Now you have to take any one of the problems back. It doesn't have to be yours; it can be another's." Immediately, everyone took their own problem back. Someone always has it worse than you.

18. "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better I do better." -Maya Angelou

19. Timshel. "Thou mayest." The gift of choice.

20. I'm still the Chez! And you are still the Macaroni!

What do you know for sure?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Quote With A Side of Ego, Please

I just received this via email today. My new favorite quote:

“The family you get to choose, making Chez a priority since that crazy lady made us one of her Macaronis.”

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mind Your Manners Monday!

We all know some nebbie-nosed, bitchy, get in your bid-nezz, miserable people who strive to stir the drama pot, make every one's lives miserable in order to draw attention to themselves, overcompensate for something lacking in their own lives, jealousy, or they are just the spawn of Lucifer himself. Either way, these people exist. Most everyone attempts to stay clear of the Stage 5 Shit Stirrer. However, at times, they have a tendency to stick their spiteful heads in the midst of everything. Why must they continue? Why do it to anyone? Why must they do it to me?!

To All of The Stage 5 Shit Stirrers of the World:

Mind Your Manners Monday is for you!

Here's the attention that you want, need, and deserve!

Mind Your Manners!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Fed Up

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Thank God That's Over Thursday!

Shortly after I broke up with the cheating, lying, long term, college boyfriend of 3 years my friends pressured me incessantly to get back out in the dating scene again. The idea was mortifying to say the least. I had just literally had my heart ripped out, tossed to the curb, jumped on, and the bastard then did a perfect tango all over it. In short, my whole being had been turned upside down and I had to figure out which way was up. It took a while. It took a very long while.

Eventually, I agreed as a favor to a friend to a blind date with an acquaintance of hers. The karma scale was way out of wack on this particular Saturday because there is nothing that I could have done in my past that deserved what was a head of me in my future. To this day, I question whether or not my 'friend' was pissed at me, teaching me a lesson of some sort, or her opinion of me is such shit that she would set me up with the most perverted, disgusting, lecherous, disgusting tub of dude that I have ever met.

My first mistake was agreeing to go. My second mistake was letting him pick me up at my apartment rather than meet him at the movie theater. This left me without a car or an easy escape vehicle AND it allowed him to know where I lived. HUGE MISTAKE!

We went to see The Green Mile; one of the world's longest movies ever made. I know this because for 188 minutes plus 8 minutes of previews I was ducking, dodging, slapping away the groping hands and the equivalent to a slobbering muzzle of a Saint Bernard. This foul assed man (he was ugly too) despite a completely full movie theater and having literally just met proceeded to attempt to tongue rape my neck and tie my tits up like he was making balloon animals. I was pissed off. I mean PISSED OFF.

I turned to the lady beside me who had been witnessing all of this nonsense. She gave me a pitying smile and gave my hand a squeeze. I then apologized for what was about to happen, turned towards my date and proceeded to grab this fuck wad by the man shaft and squeeze. I then spit into his ear, "Do not ever touch me again you fuck! I'm going to let go, you are going to quit crying, we are going to walk to the car, you will take me home. You will not utter one fucking word on the way there. You will never call me again, and if you are smart you will forget where I live. Is this clear?" He painfully moaned an affirmative. We left the movie with 20 minutes left. I didn't care. To this day I cannot stomach The Green Mile. I heard it is wonderful; I wouldn't know.

Thankfully, numb nuts did exactly what was demanded of him... until we pulled up to the apartment. The Groping Goober proceeded to say, "So... sorry about all of the stuff back there. Why don't you let me make it up to you...I'll come on up stairs and ..." Insert guido wink and shoulder shrug from douche bag. Hysterical fits of laughter erupted from my being. Shaking my head, I pointed to his crotch, "Darlin' I know what you are working with. Remember what happened in the theater? Fuck off."

I exited the car, shut the door, walked upstairs, made a few phone calls, met up with the friends, and laughed at this poor schmuck for the remainder of the evening.

Thank God That's Over!!!!

On a side note, two years later I ran into my very good friend out at a local bar. She was alone. I asked her what she was doing out alone. She stated that she was waiting on a date. I hadn't realized that she had started seeing anybody. She said that she had met this individual on the Internet. Mind you this was 2001 and Internet dating was still a bit taboo. She said, "I still think about your God awful blind date. I won't make the same mistake that you did and not have my car with me!" In walks her date. I said, "You won't make the same mistake I did, will ya? Wanna bet? You just did." The expression on everyone's face was priceless. When he noticed me and assumed who she was he immediately turned around and walked out the way he had walked in. My friend ordered a round of tequila shots, died laughing, high fived me, and settled in for a night of yet again laughing at the douche bag!

One thing is for sure, that poor guy has provided me with years of laughs at his expense.

Now I want to know...

What is the worst date that you ever went on in your life?

Memory Lane

Tuesday was a very busy day. School, paper work, a hurried trip to the grandmother's house to pick up tickets, a visit to The Clay Center for the Rat Pack Tribute, a few cocktails afterwards. It completely slipped my mind that it was the anniversary of my grandfather's death. He has been gone for 11 years now, and it feels like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in my apartment in Morgantown, a junior in college, receiving the phone call that he was no longer in pain. Excuse me while I take a moment to remember a great man.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Rat - tat- tat
The pulse of seduction
Swaying bodies lost in rhythm
History, tradition
cascading in rippling waves
of sound, music, muscle, temptation.
Waaaaaant - waaaaahhhhhh
Moaning horns
Sights of satisfaction mirror the brass and metal
Reflecting eyes and heaving chests
With the rhythm of a sultry fiesta
they tango in touch.